Love Your Self For No Reason

Psychologist - Fresnaye Cape Town

Don’t Abandon Your Self-Esteem.

How to Recognise if You Have a Self-Esteem Issue.

One of the most fascinating things about Self-Esteem is that there is a group of people – usually very successful – who do have a Self-Esteem problem, but don’t recognise it.

Then there are the people who know very definitely that they struggle in this arena.

Regarding the former group who are very successful, I see these people in my office all the time.

They are fulfilled and successful in their work and they are making money and they have immense skills in this area but the skills and the success and the confidence that they have at many levels masks the lack of Self-Esteem underlying the success.

They come out of the meeting or a conflict situation or a negotiation that has been difficult and they’ve handled it well but there is a tightness and an anxiety and a noticing of aspects where they weren’t particularly skilful. The anxiety and the tension and the perfectionism reflects a lack of Self-Esteem. What further reflects this are the ruminations about what just happened.

You know those dialogues in your head, “I should have said this, I missed that, damn I could have said that better…”

This reflects a debilitating perfectionism, always having to be better. What you have just done is not good enough. [Read more…] about How to Recognise if You Have a Self-Esteem Issue.

A Valentine’s Fantasy!

 

Looking forward to Valentine’s day?

Anxious about it?

Scornful or dismissive of the whole concept?

Welcome to planet earth – Fantasyville for short.

From the moment we hear a fairy tale, of walking off into the sunset to live ‘happily ever after’, the virtual (in your head) world of the fantasies is born.

I say that fantasies make the world go around because I believe that this is one of the greatest causes of emotional pain in the human race. [Read more…] about A Valentine’s Fantasy!

“Life is What Happens While You’re Wishing Things Were Different.”

A friend of mine Barbara Kuppers, was facilitating a Byron Katie group a week ago. I’m walking down the passage during the tea break and I see that wonderful saying by John Lennon on the wall which says, “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.”

I’m sure you’ve heard it and loved it, perhaps as much as I have. What came to mind in the moment I read it was,

“Life is what happens while you’re wishing things were different.” [Read more…] about “Life is What Happens While You’re Wishing Things Were Different.”

Are You a Robot Manager?

I come from a background of advanced, over-socialised, super controlled politeness and professionalism. Under pressure this used to be my default mode of being. It has not entirely disappeared. On my ‘bad days’ I still succumb to the dead, robot, frozen position.

The question is, are you the same!?

I have watched many managers and leaders over the years talking to their teams, talking to their staff and what I notice most of all is how many of them become robotic under pressure, particularly when anxious.

Allied to this is one of the most critical issues in business today, the issue of employee disengagement. The stats show resoundingly how significant the problem of staff disengagement is.

The numbers vary, but mostly show that up to 45% of employees are not engaged at work!

Pretty scary! [Read more…] about Are You a Robot Manager?

Suicide and the Power of Listening.

I learned the most incredible lesson about 25 years ago under the most extraordinary pressure.

I had this client. He was about 40 years old and he was deeply depressed

He had been depressed for years and I had been seeing him for some months and had really been getting nowhere. I tried everything I knew to connect with him to help him to relieve his sense of loss and deflation and hopelessness and helplessness.

None of it worked.

He got more and more depressed until one Monday morning he walked into my office and told me straight up that he was going to kill himself. [Read more…] about Suicide and the Power of Listening.