Love Your Self For No Reason

Psychologist - Fresnaye Cape Town

Mark Kahn

Doing Without A Doer

I have asked the following question of hundreds of clients over the years:

“Have you ever given a presentation or speech to a group of people and you started out anxious and stressed, self-conscious and hypervigilant about your ability to perform? You are filled with self-doubt and anxiety.

Then suddenly, for no conscious reason, you switch into a flow state and all of the anxiety disappears and you’re not thinking about how you are doing, how people might criticise you or what you are going to say next?”

Without exception, every single one of them says yes! [Read more…] about Doing Without A Doer

Advice Without Strings.

I notice myself giving advice to someone.

It isn’t from a place of love. I am trying to change them.

They don’t listen to me and I am resentful.

I laugh at myself.

Self-righteous advice is to make myself feel good. Loving advice is a gift, for free, no strings attached.

Being in the world without ‘strings’…what joy!

Are You Emotionally Blocked?

When I first went into my own psychotherapy 40 years ago I was immensely emotionally blocked.

What does that mean?

It means that I spent a lot more time in my head than in my body, where feelings occur.

I had experienced so much pain in my life, with no way of processing it, so I shut down emotionally. It’s like wearing a suit of armour.

The armour tightens you against the threat of life and not much can touch you, but you get to lose touch with emotions.

In the psychodynamic literature it’s called using an intellectual defence.

Perhaps the most famous and simple example of this comes from one of Aesop’s Fables. [Read more…] about Are You Emotionally Blocked?

Just Smelling the Coffee is Enough.

I am walking through the offices of Investec. I do some therapy work there for Maureen Kark & Associates.

The beautiful aroma of coffee wafts through my senses.

There is a subtle and now, not so powerful desire to have a cup and of course a muffin, which I can never eat.

I can only have about one cup every 2 months because of my Chronic Fatigue thing.

I notice that in a split second I can just appreciate and enjoy the smell of the coffee without having to drink it.

What a pleasure to be free of wanting.

Nobody is Perfect!

Some Like It Hot is a movie that has one of the best endings ever.

Jack Lemmon spends the entire film pretending to be a woman. There’s this rich guy that falls in love with her/him. At the end they ride off on a boat into the sunset and finally Lemmon pulls off his wig and tells the guy that he’s really a man. And the guy says, “Nobody’s perfect.”

Don’t we all want perfection?

So many parents were devastated by the Tiger Woods scandal. Why? Because they had participated in the somewhat crazy practice that suggests that our children should have idols to look up to who are perfect. [Read more…] about Nobody is Perfect!