Mark Kahn

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning.

I’m out walking in our Estate.

The sky is blue, the sun is shining, the ducks I so love are swimming on the dam.

All is perfect.

I walk past a beautiful home overlooking the green belt.

A barbecue is out beside the pool and suddenly I think, “I wish I lived there, they have a better view than our home and a Sunday barbecue beside the pool, with that view, would make life seem perfect!”

The magnificent day has been ruined by my thoughts.

I smile inwardly at myself and connect on the inside with the beauty I imagine I would get at this neighbours home.

The day is beautiful again.

I’m thinking about a friend of mine who has sold more books than me.

A lot more.

I catch myself jumping into envy.

What creates this feeling?

It’s the idea that I’ll be much happier if I’ve sold more books.

Just another lie to make myself miserable.

Then I remember that I spoke to this friend a while back. I asked her about her success and how gratifying it was.

She said that she wanted to escape to a Greek island.

I watch myself tightening at the slightest sign of trouble.

Someone is angry with me, I lose a client, my body is oh so tired.

Noticing this contracted wanting, fighting life, as it endlessly winds its way through these sometimes desperate days, like a slow, lazy python strangling my spirit.

What would my life feel like if I could open my arms to the inevitable slings and arrows of outrageous reality, what would that be like…I wonder…as my chest, my fabulous heart, softens and opens?