Love Your Self For No Reason

Psychologist - Fresnaye Cape Town

Mark Kahn

The Parental Lecture Or Strategic Questions?

I see kids from 11 years and upwards for psychotherapy.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s about studying for exams, or tidying one’s room, or putting out the garbage, staying up too late, watching too much TV, whatever the issue, parents so often default to the lecture.

The first session is usually with the parents or at least the mother. We start to discuss the problem and then at some point, the parents turn to the kid and say, in this very authoritarian, dictatorial tone, “How many times have we told you that you’re not thinking about your future?!”

What does the kid do?

They roll their eyes upwards and dissociate – meaning they leave the room – and the words of the parent bounce off them like bullets from an invisible space ship shield in a Star Wars movie.

The parents see this response but continue as though they haven’t and the energy and tone of the self-righteous lecture continues.

They blunder on with this blitzkrieg of knowing advice, helpless in the face of having no other options in their communication armoury. [Read more…] about The Parental Lecture Or Strategic Questions?

“Don’t Leave Me – I’m The Most Beautiful Woman In The World.”

It’s winter around 2006. It’s a cold Tuesday morning and I’m sick in bed with the flu.

I’m scrolling aimlessly through the TV channels and I come across the Tyra Banks show.

There is a very attractive woman in the studio. She is being dressed to look like a witch from hell. Ugly wig and clothes that make her body look like a washing bag with legs.

They put her on the street and video her from some distance.

She goes up to strangers and asks them for parking meter money. Only one in about 15 people want to help her. Many of them skirt around her as though she has the plague.

They then put her back on the same street looking really fabulous, great legs in a miniskirt, beautiful face, body and hairdo.

Again she’s asking for parking meter money.

14 out of 15 people help her, eagerly, happily. One guy even goes into a store to get change so he can give her some money.

The difference is spellbinding. [Read more…] about “Don’t Leave Me – I’m The Most Beautiful Woman In The World.”

How To Stop Fearing Failure.

Our culture is obsessed with success.

The Guinness book of records is the third highest selling book in history.

Our culture is addicted to #1’s!

If you’re a parent then you are either obsessed with the success of your children or you live in fear of their failure. These two concepts are inseparable.

If you’re thinking about your own life just notice how much of the time you are wondering if today’s meeting is going to go well or how your latest project is going to pan out?

You get into a new relationship and you’re anxious about your capacity to make it work because you’ve had one or two, or many failures. [Read more…] about How To Stop Fearing Failure.

Embracing Your Imperfections.

How much of your life do you spend trying to be a better person, a perfect person?

What are the costs of doing so?

Last week our beautiful 16-year-old cat named Guinevere – that’s her in the pic above – went into kidney failure. We admitted her to the Sunninghill Village Vet, a truly amazing and loving group of people who take care of sick animals. She was on a drip for 3 ½ days and struggling to eat and looking frail and vulnerable and we felt so sad and helpless at her pain and at the same time so much love came pouring out of us for this dear soul whom we have loved for so many years.

She came home for another four days but just wouldn’t eat and the only option was to kiss her goodbye and send her into the next world. [Read more…] about Embracing Your Imperfections.