Self Esteem DIARY

I am doing an amazing piece of work with a client who is discovering that she is good enough without having to do something to prove it and after years of depression, she laughingly says,

“You might even consider me to be happy!”

I say to her, “Look at the tree outside, it doesn’t have to do anything to feel ok, nor does your cat or your dog. There is just the love of being.

Why, why should a person be any different?”

She smiles knowingly.

We are all trying so hard to be something, to become something, to manufacture a life.

Beneath the expectations and the guilt and the shame and the driving so hard, lies the truth of who we really are.

Just Being.

I’m playing my Brain HQ game on my phone to prevent Alzheimers.

The scourge of the aged.

I keep making mistakes – which is part of the game –  and I see that I’m not going to beat my record.

Horror of horrors, my heart sinks.

If I know that I am love then what matters, this mistake or the next one?

A sinking heart, knows no love.

Are we really experiencing life,

Or are we just experiencing our minds?

Life is sensation and hearing and tasting and touching and connecting.

It is love and creation so vast.

The mind tell its endless, desperate story,

Unravelling infinitely into worlds of division and chaos.

It interprets life.

It is once removed from life.

While life is happening all around it.

Oh to know the truth, to be touched by it, to be re-discovered by it.

I do you a beautiful piece of work with a client… It is in enriching and rewarding. But then I need to check.

Did I do the work or did my Spirit do the work?

If I did the work – my ego – then I’m in danger of moving into self-righteousness or self-wrongeousness and I’m going to be grasping for Self-Esteem.

If my Sprit did the work, then there is just peace and love and gratitude.

I’m putting my money on Spirit.

Two clients that I saw over 30 years ago for therapy, contacted me in the last couple of weeks.

The one said, “You are almost always on my mind as my time with you as a client has been truly one of the highlights of my life and development.”

She was having spontaneous flashbacks to previous lifetimes and she thought she was schizophrenic.

The kicker was that she thought she was crazy and I told her that she wasn’t. So wonderful to trust my intuition and to be an antidote to society’s conditioning.

The other said, “Therapy is such an amazing journey.  I still have our shared experience inside to hold me. It gave me an inner backbone …that is sooo strong now.”

I am so filled with gratitude for this work that I do and for the amazing, unique and beautiful people I see.