I see kids from 11 years and upwards for psychotherapy.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s about studying for exams, or tidying one’s room, or putting out the garbage, staying up too late, watching too much TV, whatever the issue, parents so often default to the lecture.
The first session is usually with the parents or at least the mother. We start to discuss the problem and then at some point, the parents turn to the kid and say, in this very authoritarian, dictatorial tone, “How many times have we told you that you’re not thinking about your future?!”
What does the kid do?
They roll their eyes upwards and dissociate – meaning they leave the room – and the words of the parent bounce off them like bullets from an invisible space ship shield in a Star Wars movie.
The parents see this response but continue as though they haven’t and the energy and tone of the self-righteous lecture continues.
They blunder on with this blitzkrieg of knowing advice, helpless in the face of having no other options in their communication armoury. Continue reading “The Parental Lecture Or Strategic Questions?” »